Rape and sexual abuse of minors is on the increase. There are more reports of such abuses against babies, toddlers and teenage girls nowadays than in the past. The perpetrators are usually much older men who have carnal knowledge of them, robbing them of their innocence, and perhaps scarring them for life.
The latest victim is a 13-year old JSS3 pupil (name not supplied), who unfortunately got pregnant. She recently gave birth to a baby boy. Her son is fathered by a 41-year old church member, whose family were friends with hers. Unfortunately the confidence, on which that friendship was built, supported by a spiritual platform, has been destroyed. It was that confidence that made her mother, Mrs Oboh, to accommodate the rapist’s family’s meals in her freezer. (The man’s wife used to cook and preserve in their freezer for future use.) It was that confidence that made Mrs Oboh send the 13-year old to his home to drop food on the day she was raped.
As rapists used to do after their cowardly acts, he threatened her with death so she did not report the matter. It was over five months later that her mother found that she was pregnant. Being in the early stage of puberty, the teenager had to be delivered by Caesarean Section. What business does a 13-year old have with motherhood? What does she know about breastfeeding and a newborn’s constant demand for attention when she is still a child herself? Sadly, that is the fate she is resigned to and has to live with for the rest of her life.
This story raises a lot of questions: how come her mother did not know on time? How well do the home and the school prepare pupils to be streetwise?
As the first teachers, parents cannot leave sexuality education to the school alone, or to chance. They must be involved. Gone is the era when talking about sex with children was a taboo. Gone is that time too when our mothers told us that once menstruation starts you get pregnant if a man just touches you. It was terrible misinformation that had negative consequences.
Today’s parents have to educate their wards about how to manage advances from the opposite sex. Minors should be made to understand that there are more important and exciting things they could do with their time rather than getting entangled in amorous relationships that would likely hurt them at the end of the day. They should be taught how to be assertive, sensitive to danger, and deal with blackmail.
Regarding assertiveness, young people should be able to politely voice their objections to advances from the opposite sex. If, for instance, a male teacher, neighbour or older relative asks a young girl to spend time with him alone, she should politely decline. Parents/teachers can role play various kinds of situations so that youngsters know how to deal with them. It could be a class activity in school where pupils are told to come up with likely uncomfortable questions that adults ask as well as appropriate answers to them.
When it comes to being sensitive to dangerous situations, teenagers should be advised to avoid risky behaviours such as moving at night, walking in lonely places unaccompanied, giving strangers too many details, and generally acting against their instincts. They should learn to be very observant. If something looks out of place, they should become alert; and if trouble is brewing wherever they are, they should get out as fast as possible. They should also learn that they are safer when their families know where they are and what they are doing at any point in time.
For blackmail, the best remedy is to speak up. Many rape victims suffer in silence, sometimes for years, because the rapists threaten them. However, if educated about how blackmail works – that a blackmailer will come back for more; that he/she is unlikely to carry out the threat once their victims cry for help – they will be better equipped to take informed decisions about their safety. I say this from experience. I would have been a victim of serial sexual abuse at about the same age but for the fact that I recognised how blackmail worked – because I had read it from books – and not because my parents told me. However my mother was the one who saved the day. She saved me by noticing that something bothered me. She probed until I opened up. I do not know what she told the blackmailer, but I know that he never bothered me again. If I did not speak up, perhaps I would have ended up like the poor girl that inspired this piece. Children must be taught to speak up; and when they do, adults must help, not shut them up.
While parents must be alert at home, investigating every change in attitude and behaviour, teachers must not be complacent in school. They should be concerned if they notice changes in their pupils or students. And if they are unable to help, they should get the guidance counsellor, parents or other relevant professionals involved. That way, they help to bridge the gap between the home and the school.
To any teenager reading this piece and facing similar problems as Mrs Oboh’s daughter, I advise you to speak up. Seek out a trusted person to talk to. If you are not the victim but know someone who is suffering in silence, help the person by reaching out to the authorities. Perhaps when more people speak out, the incidence of rape will drop.
Posted by Kofoworola Belo-Osagie for The Nation Newspaper
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